I Still Will Not Color Inside The Lines! (Part 1)

Yes yes, I am aware I mentioned something about updating twice a week or some other empty promise like that. Seeing as I couldn't really finish something interesting, here's something else! Enjoy it!


My last night before heading back to Toronto, I found myself up in my mother's dining room looking through the old cabinet. Inside I found a book, its stuffed with little projects and pictures from when I was in school (oddly enough, nothing was there from university.) It was also in this book I found old report cards, and within these report cards I found:

Teacher's Comments!

I was bored, they were there and I decided to write all of them down! I was going to do something with them, but seeing as I have no idea what I am going to post the first few here for your enjoyment.

I was that bored!

Well lets start with Preschool, seems like a better place to start then anywhere else:

Kevin (Age 4-5)
Preschool (March 1989)

"Kevin seems to enjoy his day at pre-school. Although Kevin has no problem understanding the work we do, he often has a problem focusing his attention on the particular task and needs encouragement to bring his attention back. Socially Kevin has difficulty sharing and playing properly in a group situiation. Encouraging Kevin to cut at home will help improve his fine motor skills. Kevin participates in our activities and he enjoys the gross motor games such as jumping, sliding and throwing the ball."

Not big on sharing, my mother put it in better words "Little did they know you just didn't give a fuck." Not much else to say about Preschool it was just a big note typed on what I believe to be an old Macintosh computer, printed from a dot-matrix printer. Lets see how Grade Primary was, or for some of you Kindergarten!


Now in Grade Primary, I received three report cards. Watch the progression!

Kevin (Age 5)
Grade Primary (Nov 27, 1989)

"A likable little boy who has matured quite a bit. He is able to handle the work of this grade. He is gentle and happy but has a mind of his own (he tends to ramble on when telling a story.) His work is still a little messy but he sometimes rushes and this causes the mess. Always willing to participate. A lovely little boy"

For some odd reason at this point and time I was unsure of triangle and rectangle, not sure what that means. Perhaps I never really became sure of them.


Kevin (Age 5)
Grade Primary (Feb 26, 1990)

"Kevin is very independent when it comes to doing what he wants when he wants (like getting dressed, eating, teasing - then crying when teased back!) As far as his academics, he is able to handle the work yet it is done with no pains for neatness. He seems to be immature watching his actions."

Lots of interesting little points on this full report card not found in the comments:

"Can dress self but pokey" I honestly have NO idea what that means!

"Lately has been teasing others; using bad language; wines" It seems even at a young age I was an asshole.

"Wanders from the point" I still do that, STORIES SOMETIMES HAVE FOOTNOTES!

"Looks behind to his neighbor; seems easily distracted" I was making friends :(

"Goes to the washroom often in the middle of work being explained" This translates to "He finds this boring lets go discover that weird thing in my underpants."


Kevin (Age 6)
Grade Primary (June 29, 1990)

"Kevin seems immature socially. He teases children, they tease him, he cries. Hopefully this will improve. He is very able to handle the work but must learn to get along better with other children. I wish you good luck next year in Grade One Kevin."

So it seems going into my first year of grade school I was some sort of mix of a sweet little boy and a complete asshole. Looking back on it all now, chances are the only reason I did bad in some places was because at the time I really didn't give a shit. It should be noted that I also had a habit of giving "silly answers" to get laughs! Another note not found in the comments. I do like (use of like here is very questionable) the sliding scale from "likable boy" to "possible dickhead."

Well that's enough exploiting my childhood memories for now. Next time, Grade One, Two and Three! Exciting!